Tag Archives: writing

A little bit of news…

14 Oct

I’ve been all mysterious recently… I had to postpone photoshoots (which I NEVER do). I’ve been in hospital. I’ve mentioned new projects. I’ve hinted annoyingly. It’s time to reveal all!!!
I hate secrets...πŸ˜›

First news: I love my job but I am aware I cannot model forever. As I’ve said, I’m not going anywhere just yet but I have been rather busy behind the scenes. As I travel so much and love to write, I’ve set up another blog/website, twitter and instagram. In fact, it’s a lot like this blog but with more selfies, travel advice, news from my boat and pictures/tales from my adventures around the world.


If you didn’t know already, I’m very into my postapocalyptic everything. I (apparently) look like a videogame assassin from the end of the world when I’m not modelling, and will be sharing my style sources and how-to tips for the interested. I live on a narrowboat and take pictures of her. (Yes, all boats are ‘she’, even if they’re called ‘Thor’.) I know all about travelling cheaply (London to Utrecht for Β£13, anyone?) as well as weird underground off-the-beaten-track places to go in about ten different countries. I have a LOT of fascinating friends who may also make appearances. If any of this sounds interesting and/or you’d like to continue supporting me in my next (ad)venture, which I really hope you will, then please come and see me at these places and share the links. All are welcome but this is especially true if you’re a fellow adventurer, blogger and/or woman. I’d really like to support you too!

Oh, and yes, “F.Roswell” is also a pseudonym.

Here’s a static visual trailer for the site. (Ahem… what I mean is, here’s a bunch of photos…)πŸ˜›
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Seriously though, I’d really love and appreciate your support in this- it’s a completely new project for me and I’m starting from scratch but I have big plans. This little blog couldn’t have got as far as it has without your shares and support- thankyou.


On to the second news: on June 22nd, I was sterilised.

Almost every parent I know says that having a child is one of the most life changing things you can do. (Possibly THE most, in my opinion.) Nothing can prepare you for the reality and it is a permanent, life altering decision. Hold that thought…

As many of you may remember, I’ve been fighting to be sterilised for a long time. If you’re a newcomer, my rant is here but I’ll summarise:

I’ve never wanted children and hormonal contraception is not good for me. As I’m nearly 30, I decided enough was enough and wanted to be free of the worry once and for all. I am aware that this is a permanent decision. I have been reminded of this by friends, strangers and medical professionals and I have been fully aware of the permanence of this option since I was eight.
None of my friends with children are continually reminded by shocked people that their decision to bring another human into the world and be responsible for them for at least the next eighteen years is irreversible. None of my friends have been told β€œyou’ll change your mind” on announcing their pregnancy. The decision whether or not to bear a child is a serious choice concerning our bodies and fertility and if age 28 (as I was) is old enough to permanently become a parent then it is old enough to permanently choose not to. What matters is having the right to make the decision in the first place. You (or ‘one’) may feel I’ve made the wrong choice, but that choice should be mine to make.

As I said in my viral rant, I got a rejection letter regarding funding. What had not been explained to me was that while funding was denied by my local hospital (which could be for any legitimate reason), it was not denied altogether- I’d just have to go to a different hospital. So when a different hospital called me for an appointment, I was grouchily prepared for a stern finger-wagging and another assertion that I was too young to make such a permanent decision. (As though parenthood is temporary…)
Not so. I walked into the doctor’s office and… SURPRISE STERILISATION! I embarrassingly enough burst into tears at the shock and relief. Yes he went through the usual questions (permanent, surgery risks etc, other options) but prefaced each question with the words β€œI legally have to ask…” which made all the difference. So we set a day for surgery and off I went!
The actual surgery, waiting times and hospital details were stressful and horrid (if you have questions, mail me directly- I’m happy to be open but don’t want to publicly overshare medical stuff) but the nurses were amazing, took care of me and ‘my needy boyfriend’ (the drip I was attached to) and as I was severely dehydrated, I spent the night in hospital where I got a 5am wake-up call in the form of a woman giving birth on the floor below. Changed my mind yet? Naaaaah…

Moving on! Photographers- please worry not. I have two tiny scars- one hidden in my bellybutton, one hidden just below my pubic hairline. I’m back to what passes for normal in my life.πŸ˜‰

So there’s my news! There’s a lot of change and things moving about in my world at the moment and I’d be lying if I said things weren’t pretty scary. I’ve done casting calls, travelling, photoshoots and all of the everyday things that come with modelling for over a decade and the thought of building another business (Life Out There) from scratch is daunting to say the least. If you know anyone looking for writers or traditional illustrators, there’s someone riiiight over here!πŸ˜‰

Of course, the day I decide it’s β€œlast hoorah time”, you’ll all be the first to know but for now, lets have more pictures!!

As I’ve blogged about two different sides of my life, what better pictures to post than these ones by KinkyStyle?! Still a fetish model, but almost everything in the shots are mine (and the coat was made by yours truly…)



Rebellious Woman

8 Mar

NEWSFLASH! I’ve updated my SALE page with latex and some really gorgeous one-off pretty things.❀

Wow. Last week’s post got a MONTH’S viewings in just one day. I’ve had so many supportive comments and messages that I felt quite overwhelmed (in a good way).
Obviously, this blog is mostly a lifestyle and art/modelling blog but before I move on to other subjects, I just want to address a few of the recurring questions I received:

1) Vasectomies are not as easy as you said.
I’ve heard mixed experiences about vasectomies. It varies wildly depending on other factors like home country and age but in general,Β it is easier for a man to be sterilised than a woman.

3) Why not pay for it?
Several reasons but here are my two main ones: I’m not in a financial position to do so, most importantly. Secondly, when IVF is available on the NHS* then sterilisation should be too. It comes back to the same thing: if the choice to have children is funded (including the medical procedures that come with pregnancy and birth) then the choice not to should be equally valid- especially when in my case there are extra reasons to support this choice.

*4) IVF is not funded for everyone.
I mentioned in my last post that doctors warn obese women about the risks associated with pregnancy. I was referring to a pregnancy without medical assistance- however, a couple of women struggling to obtain IVF mailed to say that funding for IVF has its restrictions too, which is very true.
A very wise commenter responded perfectly: we are fighting the same battle against a system that is not giving us the results we would like. Just because we want different results to each other, does not mean we should be fighting amongst ourselves.❀

5) I’m being selfish as this is not a life threatening procedure.
Neither are the many, many NHS-funded cosmetic procedures carried out every day. I agree that things like mental health are under funded and that funds are distributed unfairly but for the purposes of my blog, I was talking about sterilisation. Other issues are for other posts.

6) But it’s PERMANENT! So is having a child.

I will just repeat that the vast majority of responses on all the platforms this blog was posted on were positive, so thankyou for that. So far, no news from the hospital so lets move on for now.


The above quote has been attributed to many, many people but it was historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich who said it, in an article about Purital funeral services!

Today was International Womens’ Day and I spent it tasting organic chocolate, painting a mural and listening to a fascinating talk about foraging and herbalism at a new yoga studio near me! I’m a slave to herbal tea and swear by nettle for healthy hair. Oh, and lots and lots of water (to drink).
One of the activities we could do was write on a post-it note something that made us proud to be women. Initially, I couldn’t think of a damn thing. Not that being a woman is something I don’t like, just that few things I do are made extra interesting by the fact that I am a woman. Then I came home (with the blank post-it) and did a quiz I found. It told me that I had done eight illegal things today- for example, I wore trousers in public, which would get me 40 lashes in Yemen (I think). In some countries, a women is counted as half a witness in court. HALF a witness.
If you’d like to take the test, it’s here:
So I’m proud to be a woman because I am fighting for change and speaking up for my fellow women who are not yet allowed a voice- and I’m proud to see others doing the same.
Yay! I hate blank post-it notes.πŸ˜›

I’ve been reading about awesome women today. As most of my heroes are in books and films, I particularly liked this article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35717247
Yes, fiction is fiction, but some elements are reflections of reality and seeing the multiple female heroes in recent films and books does make me happy. As a writer myself, I try and write characters that I would want to read about and that I would have liked growing up. Maybe someday you’ll be able to have a read…πŸ˜‰

And things could not be more fitting- I’ve been featured in Femme Rebelle magazine! The photos are by the awesome Gary Clutterbuck and the outfit is by Lady Allura’s latex. I did the hair and make-up.


As I’m a sleepy lady now and need to find a new series to start (finished House of Cards in 1.5 days), I will sign off this this pretty song with a lovely video.❀


p.s. A non-spoiler childfree House of Cards moment I saw today. As I knew I would be posting this blog tonight, it was just too perfect!πŸ˜›

The blonde woman is Claire and…

Hollywood Fairytales

28 Jan

When you’re freelance, modelling isn’t the endless game of dress-up that films and magazines like to show. (Hollywood? Glittercoating something? Surely not…) On a normal day in Roswell-land, with some notable exceptions there’s no stream of caterers, make-up artists rushing in to fix hairs out of place and designers adjusting the diamonds attached to me. There’s no fairytale whirlwind from which I emerge a princess, and usually I like it that way. (I prefer to be a knight…)πŸ˜›
This is not to say that a full team (make-up artists, designers, assistants etc) cannot be fantastic to work with, just that it isn’t the norm for freelance models. We often have a greater hand in the creative process than agency models*. Of course we can work to a brief; there are plenty of shoots in which the photographer has a very clear idea of what s/he wants the final image to be and it’s our job to bring that idea to life- but for many bookings we do our own hair and make-up, pose freestyle and bring our own ‘shooting wardrobe’. “Just showing up and looking pretty” is not an option.
* If you want to read a hilarious account of life as an agency model, go and read Elyse Sewell’s old blog. She was the scientist in the first season of America’s Next Top Model.

I’m sponsored by a latex designer, a lingerie designer and a corsetiere so regularly have new one-off outfits to wear (in fact, I have some now…) but I have also updated my entire shooting wardrobe for 2016! If you’re a photographer and would like a booking or to enquire about what’s new, just send me a message here. Here’s a sneak peek though…

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While the Hollywood game of nothing-but-dress-up is mostly an illusion, I almost always get to play characters when I shoot- even if they’re only in my head. Until recently, I was mostly known for my fetish and art-nude work but in the past year or so, I’ve noticed an increase in my fashion and beauty bookings. Being freelance, this means I usually do my own make-up and styling in collaboration with my sponsors.
I’ve been working with Orchid Corsetry for about six months now and spent last weekend in Shrewsbury with designer Beth, being fitted for the next pieces! I love looking around other peoples studios and Beth’s is a luxurious sweetshop of material and trimmings.

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What Beth’s currently working on is a secret but we’re combining fashion and mythology as we both have a love of fairytales…πŸ˜‰ In fact, I’ve just finished a written tale of my own for submission to an anthology called “Damsels in Success”!
I promised some more flash fiction blogs so to accompany the pictures below (that I’ve been so excited to post) so here are some Once-Upon-A-Time-s for you. The more I looked at the pictures, the more I thought of characters you might find in Hollywood.
The photographer is Shannon Swift, who is one of the most inspirational and interesting women I have had the good fortune to work with.
Would you like to work with her? She’s running a photoshoot giveaway right now! The deadline is the 31st so get your applications in quick.
NON-WHITE MODELS OF ANY COLOUR OR RACIAL BACKGROUND, please listen up! Shannon is shooting a photo and video project featuring models from different racial backgrounds so if you’d like to work with her, drop her a message.

Corsets and lingerie: Orchid Corsetry
Crown, hair and make-up: Me

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The Rising Star.
A thousand times upon a time, a young and beautiful woman made her living by pretending to be other people. This she did well, even in her own life. With every word said or movement made, she played a character as compelling as any whose shoes she stepped into for the sake of the camera. At first she gripped the crown she wore as though it might turn to smoke or slide off her head- it was borrowed, after all- but over time she learned to hold it as though she was certain it would remain hers forever- there would be no other girls afterward and people learned to believe her. Away in a locked room untroubled by the cameras, she shrugged off her character and laughed:
“It’s as simple as that! If we all just played this game, we’d all be fucking immortal!”
She laughed as though there would be no girls after her. She laughed like a fool.

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The Fading Star
Once upon a time in a strange land, there was a woman who was thin. Much too thin- and yet there was more, for she was fat too. This woman was free, talented, troubled, disfigured, stunningly beautiful, disgraced, risen, repentant, not sorry in the slightest, and thin again. In fact, she was each of these things at one time or other- and all at once depending on who was telling her story. The only thing that the storytellers could agree on was that now she was fading.
There would always be options until the day came when nothing she could do would seem interesting. She sucked an ice cube and tightened her belt. Fruit, it had been decided, was an ornamental decoration only. Sugar was for other people. And so the golden apple sat in plain sight- a trinket for visitors to notice and her own private joke. She picked it up. It had been the only thing recovered from the accident and kept out of the media in exchange for a sum even the richest would mentally stagger over. For a whole ten minutes she told herself she was merely considering telling, but her mind had been made up for days. What was it they said? “If you can’t be famous…”

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The Confidante
There are a lot of pets in Hollywood, but these ones aren’t the kind you want to get to know. They seem quiet, subdued, even a little skittish- but that’s just compared to their owners. Peacock-bright and beautiful, they are the ones you want to meet and touch. The pets fade into the background and nod yes.

“She’s lovely isn’t she?”Β 
“May I speak to her?”
Here, pets manage their owners lives while thinking on their paws as they run to keep up. They know everything there is to know. They watch- some pets are guardians too. They understand when nobody else does, so they are told.
There are, of course, good owners and bad owners. Whether or not there are bad pets is not for me to say. But I’ll tell you this; when a pet turns on its owner, it is quite a thng to see…

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The Spectator
The statue had been there for as long as the house had stood.
“Built in the nineteen-twenties!” she had heard a tour guide say, as though that was a mark of true venerability.
It was her good fortune, the statue supposed, that every one of the houses inhabitants had either found her charming or lived mostly in hotels, seldom visiting their own home. Still, things had crept in- palm trees, crystals from a famous medium, a pair of pink flamingoes that she scowled at but would miss if they were to be removed.
It was a bizarre state of affairs, the statue thought, that she should live in the place fairytales were manufactured and fantastical things happened every day but know better than to ever move.



Belgium and the ‘latex brat’!

24 Nov

I completed NaNoWriMo!!! I decided to edit two books I’d already written rather than take on yet another book in a month with two tours in it, but I completed the 50,000 words of editing today and am chilling in bed with tea, diamante and lace (making something for a shoot) and 90s films.

See? Did it.

I arrived back from Belgium about 24 hours before the places I had just been visiting were put on lockdown. I’m sending all my love and best wishes to my friends back over there. Stay safe.❀

I was pleased to see a lovely display of openness, generosity and solidarity from Milton Keynes Muslims when I went to town at the weekend. A giant banner with #NotInMyName and people standing ready to chat about life, the universe and everything, even though it was freezing! When I was at school, I remember religious discussions were often led by people we knew (for example our Muslim computer technician who was a familiar face around school and someone we could ask as many questions as we wanted. This was before Islamophobia became rife as far as I know, as this memory is from when I was about eight years old!)
It was nice to share snacks, photos and life stories with open-minded friendly people before my bus arrived.

Here are a couple of my travelling pictures from this Belgium trip!
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Antwerp Central Station

The view from my shooting apartment in Brussels- the sunset made the buildings opposite look like opals!

I was staying with fellow model Riona Noire, her husband and menagerie of animals (with varying degrees of snuggliness).πŸ˜€
If you do not know Riona then you should click the link above and look at her, as she is awesome, beautiful and has some top secret projects going on that she can’t talk about. The suspense is killing me!πŸ˜›
Here she is on the left, with me and Sara Scarlet. Photo by Mew-Chiel

While I was in Antwerp, I shot for KinkyStyle again- yay! Photographer Patrick is always a lot of fun to work with- we rarely plan outfits in advance so both turn up with cases of latex to choose from and bounce ideas around. I really like getting the chance to play different characters and last time we worked together he brought a latex hoodie, a pink top with “BITCH” across it and some fingerless gloves. As I rarely do ‘cute’, I had to try the outfit on…
And it fit!πŸ˜€

So let me present… THE LATEX BRAT!

Pigtails and heels are serious business…

Bitch? Moi? …

… don’t make me laugh!

So what have you bought me?bitchiebrat_17

No diamonds? In Antwerp???

Get out of my sight!


I’m thinking about carrying a few packs of stick-on fake nails to any non-nude shoot- I’d have loved some really pointy pink ones with little bows on them for this set!

This time, we managed five different looks! As I make a lot of my own clothing I wanted to show my own style a little more, so wore a black latex bodysuit with New Rock boots, my holster bag from Jungle Tribe and my homemade Winter coat. No full length pictures yet, so have some selfies!
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As it’s past midnight here in England and I’m surrounded by glittery things, I’m going to put the kettle on and sign off! There’s a beautiful rainstorm tonight and I can hear it pounding on the roof.πŸ™‚

Goodnight all,


p.s. Are you doing a longterm project that feels like an uphill battle? Spare a thought for this guy! He’d been trying for 6 YEARS to photograph a diving kingfisher… and he finally got it!
I’ve very jealous as there is a kingfisher at the marina and I watched him catch a fish the other day. I have a soft spot for them as I think they’re the closest thing to hummingbirds we have in England- weeny jewel coloured things that squeak.❀
Photo by Alan McFadyen

Beauty in Shadow

14 Apr

I’m back from a lovely sunny few days in Somerset with Anita De Bauch and am now sitting down to catch up on my emails and organise my next tours, which will be Berlin, Ireland, Manchester and Norfolk.

First though, I’d really appreciate your support with a couple of things I’m doing. Pay attention at the back there!πŸ˜›
1) I’m in a competition to win a custom-made latex catsuit!! (As you may guess, this is something I would love to have.)
All you need to do is click the link here and click ‘vote’. That’s all. No signing up to anything.

2) I’m in the running for the award of “Fetish Model of the Year”! If you could please follow the link here and vote me as highly as you think I deserve, that would rock as well! It’s a little less user-friendly- you need to cycle through the pictures, which are displayed at random, but the plus point is that you get to see more beautiful ladies.

There you go! Any help would be appreciated.

So, as the days are getting ever-so-light now, I struggle with conflicting wants and wishes! On one hand, I love the clouded days in which I write with a mocha nearby. On the other hand, I sit on my roof and watch the world go by on sunny days. It’s only then that I can truly get to know the creatures and life around me- and on that note, Mr Toots the kingfisher is back! Apparently he returns on bright days so I’m staking out the bank.

Somerset rolled with the hills, caves and gorges we lack in Milton Keynes and apart from seeing one of my best friends “in her natural habitat”, it was a relief to finally shoot outdoors again without fear that I’d freeze to death! So many lambs everywhere, lovely food, kind people- and we found a slow worm in the garden. Look at her little face!
Anita christened her ‘Fern’ and I added ‘The Turbo Snake’- in case she has a complex about being a slow worm. (They are neither slow nor worms- they’re legless lizards.)πŸ˜‰

I also saw pipistrelle bats flittering around at dusk! I couldn’t capture them on my slow phone, but it’s lovely to see them again after what has felt like a long winter. They’re the smallest found in Europe and a friend of mine used to call me a pipistrelle when I was a thirteen year old Goth…Β  a teeny tiny little bat. Ha ha ha!

Another thing I’m noticing more and more is that the sunsets are drawing out and are even more orange. Despite the Spring frolicking I’m doing at the moment, I can’t help but think it would be perfect for a Film Noir shoot or two in London, or maybe a Milton Keynes underpass. (Just a quick snap taken outside Wagamama…)
I love the moodiness and atmosphere of Film Noir shoots! I shot these back in January with David Morley, in Saracen House studio.

A lot of you have been asking about the petition results from my blog “Between My Legs”. Sadly, petitions about Jeremy Clarkson were more popular and now that the general election is upon us, politicians have better things to do- like bitch and moan at each other on National television… I’ll blog properly about the wider issue when I have a little more time, but I promise this is not forgotten.

So, for now I am going to enjoy the light and practise not feeling guilty for being out in the sun. We humans do need our sunlight hours, after all. And when the shadows lengthen, I’ll write my little socks off (when I’m not stretching, that is. I can get my foot under my chin now!)
These were taken by Simon P Shaw last year, in Blackbarn studio and perfectly capture the peaceful kind of darkness.


I’ll leave you with some lessons learned in one of my favourite childrens’ books. A sticker for guessing which!πŸ˜‰
Dark is: exciting, kind, fun, necessary, fascinating, wonderful, beautiful.

Until sunrise, people!


p.s. I just got a message from another of my best friends- the olive-skinned gypsy nude model Madame Bink. I’d like to share her blogpost with you- please have a read and see if you can make her smile today.