Tag Archives: rant

Confessions Of A Nude Model- a wee rantette

14 Mar

In general, I’m of the ‘whatever floats your boat’ camp. If you have an unusual lifestyle, that’s cool as long as nobody gets hurt. If you have an odd opinion or two, again I’m okay with that as long as you don’t push it on me or interfere with other people (e.g. gay rights).
BUT… (yep, always a but)… you know what really grinds my gears?  When an article is written with the clear intention of being subversive or shocking while full of wrong facts, opinions presented as facts, and then presented as an ‘inside view’ of ‘what really goes on’ in somebody’s world or lifestyle. It not only makes me procrastinate (that book isn’t going to write itself!) but could risk damaging reputations. For example: THIS article here, written by that prolific journalist “Anonymous.” (That Anonymous- s/he really gets around!)
Now, I know it’s meant to be a ‘confessional’ piece and therefore it’s one person’s experience, but it is very interestingly presented as though this is the sad reality of the nude modelling industry. Let’s pick it to pieces…

The scene is set by taking you- the reader- right there to the centre of the action and adorning the paragraph with words like ‘terrifying’ and ‘sweaty’. “Loosen up”, says the patient photographer. Did he also rub his knees and purr “oh yeah, baby- you’re gonna be a STAR!”?

‘Anonymous’ was a twenty year old student when she first ‘took her clothes off for money’. Apparently, this may seem sordid- well, it certainly does now! Even more so as she introduces us to her friend ‘Tania’ (a pseudonym) who made some money “art modelling” for photographers. I wonder if it was a deliberate attempt to be bitchy, or a way of keeping Tania’s modesty by putting the words in quotation marks… Either way, the writer takes great pains to let us know that she was desperate for money.

First myth: While many girls may start by looking for some quick money, they learn very fast that modelling is not as easy as it looks and when you’re one in thousands of pretty girls, you need to stand out and take the time to either learn your trade or give up. One gripe I hear from photographers concerns girls who do two photoshoots and then try to charge £100 per hour. Often, the girls are misled- somebody has told them that they can earn hundreds from one shoot and so off they go- after all, if you’re doing it for money, you want to maximise your earnings, right? However, if you’re earning enough to make a consistent full-time living from this industry, you have most likely spent a considerable amount of time networking, practising posing, taking care of yourself and building up a client base. Though I could be wrong, as our friend ‘Anonymous’ says “I learned the tricks of the trade within a few weeks.”

So she joined Modelmayhem- good move. Networking sites are invaluable for getting a career started, though I’m not sure how she discerned which clients were “men with lucrative jobs who were willing to invest heavily in their ‘new photography hobby'”. There are those speech marks again…

“Despite this, I didn’t stop. The money was too good. After a while I raised my rate to $100/hour. Between interning, writing papers, and extra-curricular activities, I believed that I had no other choice if I wanted to be financially secure.” This sentence worries me for it tends to appear in tearful articles with names like “I was a teenage prostitute”. Now, I think we should do what makes us happy. In theory, I have no problem with stripping or porn so long as everyone is keeping safe and there because they want to be. To take on a job like that due to lack of money?? I feel that that is the line between fun and degrading. (And yes, I speak from experience- as a poor student myself, I walked out of an interview at a lapdancing club. I couldn’t do it- I preferred to work in a sandwich shop for less money and retain my dignity*).
*NOTE: I felt undignified because it passed my personal boundaries- not because of the nature of the work.

Poor ‘Anonymous’ regarded her body as a money making tool, which included keeping her hair long and not shaving her pubic hair. Why? “Most people don’t believe me when I say this, but a nude art model getting a Brazilian bikini wax is career suicide”.

I don’t believe you.


Yes, if being unshaven is your USP (unique selling point), then yes it may be a bad idea to employ a lady-gardener, but for an established nude model, there is very little that is truly career ending so long as you know how to market yourself, with the exception, possibly maybe, of getting a large tattoo.

Now, I’ll be the first to tell you that the more people you work with, the greater the chance of having a bad experience. It happens, sadly, but rarely. If you’re a regular follower of this blog, you’ll have heard it all before from me- there are ways to minimise your chances of such a thing. Our writer mentions the photographers who wanted to pay her for sex. Call it a hunch, but I feel that there’s a way she could have kept such propositions to a minimum. I never mentioned it due to the possibility of stating the obvious but…
Don’t have sex with photographers!!! Especially (and she quotes) “numerous photographers”. Models talk, photographers talk, stylists talk and iin the words of all those wartime posters, “careless talk costs lives”. Now, talk about career suicide! While it may increase your chances of being booked, it’ll be for the wrong reasons and the ‘mostly creeps’ statement will take on a knee-rubbing, purring life of its’ own- a side-effect being numerous propositions!
Now, when people socialise with other industry professionals on a regular basis, relationships do start (it’s why teachers always seem to marry other teachers!) but unless you’re sure, it’s generally best not to have sex with numerous photographers.
I never thought I’d have to say that!

And so we reach the end of our article, with a consciously poignant moment involving regret and some polaroids in a box. It’s a sad ending. I wish the writer all the best in her chosen path, but hope she can one day look upon her experiences without regret. I’m not claiming to have followed my career path perfectly- I’ve done things that were dumb as a brush, but I hope that when I’m no longer modelling, I will not only have my polaroids in a box but on my wall.

For now though, I’m going to be incredibly subversive and illustrate this ranty little blog with my clothes on!

Have some more pictures from MS-Photography in Berlin, featuring AM-Statik latex. Hair and make-up by me.
I’ve been thinking of this set as ‘Fireflies’- the sun was so, so hot I thought my latex was going to ignite, and though I didn’t see the little dust shafts at the time, I love that they’re here in the finished pictures. Magical! 🙂






I see rude people. (A rant)

10 May

Please forgive me for hiding under a blanket, but I have something worrying to tell you:
I see rude people.

They’re walking around like regular people. They don’t know they’re rude. They’re everywhere…

And right now, my mood is summed up by the words “stabbity”, “stab” and “stab”!!! >:(((((
In the past few days, I have had the misfortune to encounter these assets to society:

#1- Etiquette for the new generation
I am a 6-foot tall person trapped in a 5-foot-7 person’s body, so these are my everyday shoes:

I understand that they attract more than a few glances (and outright stares), and they are sometimes a good conversation-starter (weirdly it’s almost always children and little old ladies who like them!) but this was something else:
I was looking at the pretty gardens at the Eden Project (that’s another post), when a man walked up next to me with two young children and extended his index finger…
“Hey, hey kids! Look at that woman’s shoes! Aren’t they strange- she’s so tall in them. They’re like stilts! Maybe she keeps her lunch in them.”
It was at this point in my speechless dumbfounded fog that remembered I have a voice:
“Excuse me, maybe her father taught her that it’s rude to point at total strangers!”
He gave a nervous giggle and backed off, saying to his children “I don’t think she liked me talking about her shoes
No, fool man!!! I have no problem discussing my attire but I don’t like being talked about as if I’m an exhibit in a zoo! Sadly by the time the above sentence had taken shape in my brain, he had rapidly turned a corner and I was left with some dust and the refrains of his children singing “poo-poo-poo-poo…..”

#2 They loiter in woodlands…
I was booked for an art-nude photoshoot here:

Isn’t it pretty??
I was posing, pretending to be a dryad while watching the deer on the other side of a little fence- and occasionally making a mad dash for my phone so I could take pictures of the buzzards and red kites circling overhead. When it was lunchtime, I dressed and dived head-first into my sandwich bag, oblivious to the outside world… until I heard the words “you don’t have to. She’ll be fine”. The photographer (who was very nice), was talking to a man by the fence and both were now walking toward me holding cameras.
Strange man, trousers up to his armpits: Hi there, I just wanted to apologise for interrupting your shoot.
Me: No problem.
SM,TUTHA: I couldn’t possibly… *waves camera*
Me: (looking at camera) I’m really sorry- I’m working today but here’s my business card. You can book your own shoot with me.
SM, TUTHA: Oh please? Just a close-up?
Photographer: Not appropriate!
Me: *assuming he means “just a quick headshot against a tree”* Sorrry, no.
SM, TUTHA: *starts to walk away, then comes back* Pretty pretty please? Just a little close-up?
Me/Photographer: NO!!!

It turns out I was wrong. He wasn’t holding a camera- he was holding binoculars. The “little close-up” he wanted was of my BOOBS!!!
He has my business card…
Which links to my website…
Which links to my blog.

Dear rude creepy man channelling Simon Cowell, you are lucky I took your binoculars for a camera. Had I realised what you were really after, you would have lost an arm.

#3 Of mice and morons…
I wanted to call this one “pig”, but an old friend’s voice is echoing in my head: “pigs are intelligent and sensitive creatures- and you’re insulting them!”
On my first day off modelling in a while, I went to bounce around the New-Age shop. I was choosing incense when I heard a gasp from around the side, where there are replicas of neolithic deities and Sheela-na-Gigs. I guessed this was the source of the customer’s horror. Nope- earwigging on the conversation, the source of the outrage was a tarot set (not pornographic, just aimed at gay people).
The… creature… stormed out of the door amid a loud and obvious rant about “tarot sets for queens” (sadly, I can’t convey online the way in which the last word was spat but I assure you a king cobra has less venom.)

I have come across misguided religious people before, but this was something else. Maybe the gentleman doth protest too much? I don’t know- but as a bisexual woman, homophobia makes me SO angry and when I’m angry, tears of rage come like a very embarrassing tidal wave. Thanks to my friends for their concern and especially to Anita for taking care of me.
At least the encounter has given me the kick up the butt I needed to get reviewing the film “Milk” for a magazine.

A conversation in the shop concluded that the man’s karmic retribution should be a rebirth in the form of one of those tiny mice farmed to be killed and fed to pet boa-constrictors. 😀

As an antidote to all the rudeness, I have some photos from Barcelona Fetish Weekend, which was a fantastic event, full of lovely friendly people. I don’t think I heard any nastiness in the whole three days! These photos are by Jesus Sevilla, featuring the lovely dress HMSlatex lent me for the occasion!
Hair/Make-up by me.