Tag Archives: NHS

Give me Hope.

29 Feb

I had an interesting blog written out yesterday, all about how people and their bodies evolve. I’m going to post it below but I had some frustrating and upsetting news today that I’d like to tell you about.

First, here is a picture by PWP images.
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Many of you know that I am childfree and should I want to become a mother, I will adopt. Since last year, I have been actively pursuing sterilisation. That is because the usual methods of contraception are not suitable for me due to family medical history. Believe me, I have researched all of my options and sterilisation is, for me, the way to go. As The Authorities are reluctant to sterilise any woman under 30, I have made sure every time I visit the doctor for anything at all, they put it on record that my mind has not changed.
Last year when I made the usual request, the doctor gasped “but WHY don’t you want CHILDREN??” This was followed by “what if your partner wants them?” I hope I don’t need to explain how offensive this is.
I demanded to be referred to the hospital and a different doctor did so. Two months later, I had my hospital appointment, successfully convinced the team there that I was of sound mind and had done my research, so the hospital approved me.

I just had the letter back. Funding denied. 😥

I honestly thought I’d finally convinced them, but it seems that a decade of consistency and valid medical reasons (not to mention environmental reasons) are still not enough to convince doctors that I can make this decision. This has devastated me.
If I had been unsuccessfully trying to GET pregnant for the past ten years, doctors would be falling over themselves to help me. In a world that is vastly overpopulated, if I can be trusted at age 28 to choose to have a child, I should be trusted to choose NOT to.

Now, at the time I opened the letter, I happened to be listening to Eddy Grant (Gimme Hope Jo’Anna) and remembered that my country does not have apartheid. I’m not at risk of FGM. I am not starving. If I am pregnant by a rapist, I am not forced by law to keep the baby. I told myself off and tried to write off my fury and frustration as “white girl problems”, but the thing is, I don’t think I should.
Yes, other women suffer horrendous indignities and torture, are denied basic contraception, denied abortion- the Marie Stopes website even has a special section for Irish women- but just because England is better developed than some countries, this does not negate the fact that The Authorities still consider women incapable of making certain choices. I have very publically supported the idea that women worldwide should have the rights to their own bodies. This includes my own country too!

Doctors may remind women that their pregnancy is risky (obesity-related for example) but these women are not denied their choice to become pregnant. As I have said, there are medical reasons why sterilisation is best for me yet every time I explain, doctors still try to push unsafe hormonal options on me. When will I be considered old enough to know my own mind and body? 30? 40? 50?
28 is a perfectly respectable age to decide to have children; no doctor would remind a 28 year old pregnant woman that having children is permanent- that they are just too young to make such a decision. So why is my choice any less valid? Yes, it’s permanent, I am aware of that. I was aware when I asked for a referral, I was aware in the hospital, and I am aware now. Yet every time I have returned to the doctors, I am still asked if I know that sterilisation is permanent!

Of course, I’ll fight this. Of course I’ll appeal. But let me address questions I’ve been asked a few times:
Is it expensive? Can’t you go private?
It’s around £1500 in England but yes, I can go private. However, this is a matter of principle. I shouldn’t have to pay for the correct medical treatment for me, just because doctors won’t grant me the same respect they do women who make a more culturally acceptable choice.

But being childfree is unusual…
Not really. Around 20% of women over 40 are childfree. They aren’t all infertile and wishing for a miracle! I’m sure that if it wasn’t such a long-winded frustrating procedure, more women would apply for sterilisation. (There are certain notable other situations that work the same way- the path ahead being frustrating, painful, possibly traumatic, so most women don’t choose to take it…) *raises eyebrow* Why is it that the law is so geared against women?
I should mention here that men are generally not asked about the wishes of hypothetical future partners or told they are too young to have a vasectomy.

What if you sued the hospital?
What if I got pregnant or had children, regretted it and tried to sue the hospital for not sterilising me when I asked!? Give me any form and I’ll sign it- I take responsibility for my decision.

This is me banging my head against the wall. Photo by PWP images.
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I think I’ve said all I can for now. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer and if you are a childfree woman (or man) who has struggled to get doctors to accept this, please feel free to tell your story in the comments. It’s time we came out of the woodwork! Like this! (photos by Ghost Light)
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On to some really nice stuff… 😉

I was thinking yesterday about the way people think about life and personal development. We tend to see things in a straight line pointing ‘onwards and upwards’ but from what I’ve seen, we go through the same growth spurts as we do in puberty, only internally and for the rest of our lives (hopefully). I certainly hope I’m still a work-in-progress! At age 14, I was pro-life and just four years before that- before I realised I also liked the ladies- I was pretty homophobic too! It took moving away and meeting people to change what I thought I knew.

The past year has felt like a huge growth spurt. One of my personal mottos is “never leave an experience empty-handed” and there are some things both good and bad that I’m sure I’ll look back on and think “yes, that moment changed my life”.
Even on the superficial levels, I’m always discovering new things about myself- who knew I liked tales about real-life gangsters? Who knew I’d start doing gladness meditations? Who knew I’d end up so willing to get my hands dirty? Right now I’m covered in coal dust from doing my fire and I have been unfathomably gross after certain photoshoots. I think my ‘ick’ tolerance level rose after I started doing so much work on my boat. Paint, goopy varnish, boatyard dust etc.
Even my body is changing. Not drastically and no surgery so worry not, but I am becoming more muscular. I love my action hero women and as my basic shape is quite comic-book (big thighs, hips and bust, small waist) I’m working on emphasising it!
Even while I do that, other friends of mine are doing the opposite! One of my favourite people, model and performer Elegy Ellem has been famous not only for her talent, tattoos and unique look, but for her boobs. And she’s just made a drastic change. Even if you don’t care about miss Ellem’s boobs (and she prefers it if you don’t), watch this video becase she’s a wise and beautiful goofball and her smile will make you smile too! 😛
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9NhJWTfzu8

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I’m going to go and watch Terminator 2 in a sec, because it rocks and a cinnamon cream latte is calling my name but let me just share a series of photos by PWP images. To me, they perfectly illustrate my feelings about evolving and us all being works-in-progress. Sometimes we don’t leave our ‘past selves’ behind. Sometimes we don’t emerge from a situation in a glorious phoenix blaze. Sometimes we’re just moving and that movement is beautiful in itself.

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ROSWELL xxx

Between My Legs

23 Mar

I’ve been away for two weeks, touring Holland and Belgium. I was going to blog about that, but as sometimes happens when I leave England and work from dawn ’til dusk every day, I’ve missed something huge in the news and this time, it’s very serious.

As of April 1st, women in the UK who have genital piercings will be classed as victims of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM).

FGM is torture. Girls as young as nine have part or all of their genitalia removed- often without anaesthetic or sterilised blades. This includes the clitoris, labia and part of the urethra (wee tube).
It is a cultural practise centred around keeping girls ‘pure’ and it is not only excruciatingly painful but can lead to severe and fatal problems later. This includes:
– Difficulty and pain urinating- scar tissue can block the urethra and lead to infection.
– Fertility problems- menstrual blood cannot escape the body and is left inside to rot.
– Multiple kinds of infection from open wounds and old blood
– Death from blood loss
… Not to mention mental scarring.

This is, of course, done without consent from the girls and women undergoing the procedure. Here it is: for those as squeamish as me, I’ve posted one of the least horrifying pictures I found.
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In the UK, there are many kinds of genital piercings and adornments available for women. I asked friends why they have genital piercings and received a range of responses, but mostly these:
– I like the look
– I had it done on a whim and never took it out
– It enhances sexual pleasure

(Image found on the internet. No, it isn’t me.)
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Though there are women who are pressured into getting piercings, this has nothing to do with FGM and it is insulting to women who have survived FGM to suggest such a connection.
It is currently unclear whether or not female genital piercing will be made illegal, but certainly on medical records, a pierced woman will be placed in the same category as a ‘cut’ woman. How dismissive and trivialising for the survivor of such a despicable practise.
In a society still uncomfortable with discussing womens body parts, this new law can do yet more damage- trivialising FGM and confusing some as to what it consists of. I can imagine a few dim bulbs under the impression that women are brought to a remote village, given a clitoral piercing and sent home again! The true horror is masked by the non-issue of consensual piercing.

As I am writing, it is also unclear whether genital surgery (e.g. labiaplasty) will be included under the FGM umbrella or not. There are many unanswered questions but one thing is clear: This will not affect men. Men can still get any part of their body pierced without being labelled a torture victim.
Remember last year’s new porn laws, which banned women (but not men) from being filmed facesitting (among other things) despite their written consent?

The issue with both of these laws is that our consent is ignored.
Sex without consent is rape.
Surgery without consent is mutilation.
Either of these things with consent is none of your fucking business.

Pierced or not, please sign this petition to support the right of women to adorn our bodies as we wish, and to acknowledge the fact that FGM is a separate issue- pretending otherwise insults everyone.

http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/75889