Tag Archives: beauty

Give me Hope.

29 Feb

I had an interesting blog written out yesterday, all about how people and their bodies evolve. I’m going to post it below but I had some frustrating and upsetting news today that I’d like to tell you about.

First, here is a picture by PWP images.
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Many of you know that I am childfree and should I want to become a mother, I will adopt. Since last year, I have been actively pursuing sterilisation. That is because the usual methods of contraception are not suitable for me due to family medical history. Believe me, I have researched all of my options and sterilisation is, for me, the way to go. As The Authorities are reluctant to sterilise any woman under 30, I have made sure every time I visit the doctor for anything at all, they put it on record that my mind has not changed.
Last year when I made the usual request, the doctor gasped “but WHY don’t you want CHILDREN??” This was followed by “what if your partner wants them?” I hope I don’t need to explain how offensive this is.
I demanded to be referred to the hospital and a different doctor did so. Two months later, I had my hospital appointment, successfully convinced the team there that I was of sound mind and had done my research, so the hospital approved me.

I just had the letter back. Funding denied. πŸ˜₯

I honestly thought I’d finally convinced them, but it seems that a decade of consistency and valid medical reasons (not to mention environmental reasons) are still not enough to convince doctors that I can make this decision. This has devastated me.
If I had been unsuccessfully trying to GET pregnant for the past ten years, doctors would be falling over themselves to help me. In a world that is vastly overpopulated, if I can be trusted at age 28 to choose to have a child, I should be trusted to choose NOT to.

Now, at the time I opened the letter, I happened to be listening to Eddy Grant (Gimme Hope Jo’Anna) and remembered that my country does not have apartheid. I’m not at risk of FGM. I am not starving. If I am pregnant by a rapist, I am not forced by law to keep the baby. I told myself off and tried to write off my fury and frustration as “white girl problems”, but the thing is, I don’t think I should.
Yes, other women suffer horrendous indignities and torture, are denied basic contraception, denied abortion- the Marie Stopes website even has a special section for Irish women- but just because England is better developed than some countries, this does not negate the fact that The Authorities still consider women incapable of making certain choices. I have very publically supported the idea that women worldwide should have the rights to their own bodies. This includes my own country too!

Doctors may remind women that their pregnancy is risky (obesity-related for example) but these women are not denied their choice to become pregnant. As I have said, there are medical reasons why sterilisation is best for me yet every time I explain, doctors still try to push unsafe hormonal options on me. When will I be considered old enough to know my own mind and body? 30? 40? 50?
28 is a perfectly respectable age to decide to have children; no doctor would remind a 28 year old pregnant woman that having children is permanent- that they are just too young to make such a decision. So why is my choice any less valid? Yes, it’s permanent, I am aware of that. I was aware when I asked for a referral, I was aware in the hospital, and I am aware now. Yet every time I have returned to the doctors, I am still asked if I know that sterilisation is permanent!

Of course, I’ll fight this. Of course I’ll appeal. But let me address questions I’ve been asked a few times:
Is it expensive? Can’t you go private?
It’s around Β£1500 in England but yes, I can go private. However, this is a matter of principle. I shouldn’t have to pay for the correct medical treatment for me, just because doctors won’t grant me the same respect they do women who make a more culturally acceptable choice.

But being childfree is unusual…
Not really. Around 20% of women over 40 are childfree. They aren’t all infertile and wishing for a miracle! I’m sure that if it wasn’t such a long-winded frustrating procedure, more women would apply for sterilisation. (There are certain notable other situations that work the same way- the path ahead being frustrating, painful, possibly traumatic, so most women don’t choose to take it…) *raises eyebrow* Why is it that the law is so geared against women?
I should mention here that men are generally not asked about the wishes of hypothetical future partners or told they are too young to have a vasectomy.

What if you sued the hospital?
What if I got pregnant or had children, regretted it and tried to sue the hospital for not sterilising me when I asked!? Give me any form and I’ll sign it- I take responsibility for my decision.

This is me banging my head against the wall. Photo by PWP images.
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I think I’ve said all I can for now. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer and if you are a childfree woman (or man) who has struggled to get doctors to accept this, please feel free to tell your story in the comments. It’s time we came out of the woodwork! Like this! (photos by Ghost Light)
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On to some really nice stuff… πŸ˜‰

I was thinking yesterday about the way people think about life and personal development. We tend to see things in a straight line pointing ‘onwards and upwards’ but from what I’ve seen, we go through the same growth spurts as we do in puberty, only internally and for the rest of our lives (hopefully). I certainly hope I’m still a work-in-progress! At age 14, I was pro-life and just four years before that- before I realised I also liked the ladies- I was pretty homophobic too! It took moving away and meeting people to change what I thought I knew.

The past year has felt like a huge growth spurt. One of my personal mottos is “never leave an experience empty-handed” and there are some things both good and bad that I’m sure I’ll look back on and think “yes, that moment changed my life”.
Even on the superficial levels, I’m always discovering new things about myself- who knew I liked tales about real-life gangsters? Who knew I’d start doing gladness meditations? Who knew I’d end up so willing to get my hands dirty? Right now I’m covered in coal dust from doing my fire and I have been unfathomably gross after certain photoshoots. I think my ‘ick’ tolerance level rose after I started doing so much work on my boat. Paint, goopy varnish, boatyard dust etc.
Even my body is changing. Not drastically and no surgery so worry not, but I am becoming more muscular. I love my action hero women and as my basic shape is quite comic-book (big thighs, hips and bust, small waist) I’m working on emphasising it!
Even while I do that, other friends of mine are doing the opposite! One of my favourite people, model and performer Elegy Ellem has been famous not only for her talent, tattoos and unique look, but for her boobs. And she’s just made a drastic change. Even if you don’t care about miss Ellem’s boobs (and she prefers it if you don’t), watch this video becase she’s a wise and beautiful goofball and her smile will make you smile too! πŸ˜›
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9NhJWTfzu8

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I’m going to go and watch Terminator 2 in a sec, because it rocks and a cinnamon cream latte is calling my name but let me just share a series of photos by PWP images. To me, they perfectly illustrate my feelings about evolving and us all being works-in-progress. Sometimes we don’t leave our ‘past selves’ behind. Sometimes we don’t emerge from a situation in a glorious phoenix blaze. Sometimes we’re just moving and that movement is beautiful in itself.

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ROSWELL xxx

Wild Thing

7 Feb

I’m getting itchy feet already- it’s a good thing I’m going adventuring again next week! I’ll be doing my famous tennis ball impersonation- zooming South, then North and back South again in just four days. Still- I’m pretty sure pictures and happiness will be forthcoming as I’m going to see Kitty Wood Photography– I have the honour of being one of her bridesmaids this year and couldn’t be more excited.

Blogwise, I can’t believe the response I had to my post about what models eat!! So many shares, so many comments! Thankyou all- and I have now updated the original post with the promised advice from Juliette at Bareskin Beauty. Click here to have a read, and I’ll be back with more modelly advice soon.
For now, I’m writing a mini series of articles about life on a boat for a fantastic feminist/life/opinion website. πŸ˜€ If there’s anything you would like to know, just comment with your question and I’ll make sure I answer it. I’m already covering narrowboat basics, decor for tiny spaces and more.
Despite the title of this post, I’m still feeling quite domesticated; spending my evenings toasting in front of the fire with a stack of books, or painting my doors at long last. At the moment, I’m in love with the artwork the band β€œOf Monsters and Men” use in their videos so I feel there will be wild things coming soon to a wall near me!
If you don’t know the band or haven’t seen the videos, links are below.

It makes me laugh that ‘domesticated’ for me is still kind of strange for a lot of other people- I still run around with no clothes on getting my picture taken and watch the world out of coach, train and plane windows. I still live in an indoor forest (which is swinging around like mad right now- the storm’s howling!) and I still walk around in clothes straight out of your end-of-days Zack Snyder fantasy. In fact, if you want to know more about my everyday life (believe me, modelling is just the beginning), you can start by following this Instagram… πŸ˜‰ https://www.instagram.com/lifeoutthereblog/
On that note, I went to Sweden a while ago. I had a crack-of-dawn flight so pulled a coffee fuelled all-nighter in the airport. Awesome fellow fetish model Psylocke met me off the plane, introduced me to her cats and went for her photoshoot while I got reacquainted with Swedish sweets. One exciting text later and I was off to meet photographer Belinda Bartzner and see a musical about HP Lovecraft… in Swedish. Just so you know, “A Shoggoth on the Roof” rocks- and is pretty easy to understand even when you can only understand the word ‘tentacles’.
The next day (after some world-class sleeping and cat snuggling), Belinda and I worked together for the first time! (She’s since become a good friend so these pictures bring back happy memories).

I’m wearing a custom-made Dawnamatrix playsuit. πŸ˜€

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Tomorrow, it’s boat-painting, email-answering and preparing for a pancake party with a goddess of cosplay! πŸ˜€

Bedtime now, I think. *eyes the stack of books excitedly*

ROSWELL xxx

p.s. this idiot I’m fluffbabysitting is asleep. His head is on my hand bouncing up and down as I type and he’s making a great table for my hairpins.
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Back in Black (and white)

29 Oct

Well, I didn’t run away and join a hippy commune (though tempting), I wasn’t pregnant (seriously??), I didn’t quit modelling (hell no) and I didn’t get abducted by aliens (oh, crazed person just outside Pittsburgh, your emails make me laugh… and fear for my life).

I’ve been busy (nothing new there) but I also had an epiphany during a bittersweet sunny morning at a beer festival in the mountains and decided that I was spending too much time trying to ride the social media beast and not enough time actually living the life I wanted to blog about. I was constantly setting myself up for failure based on numbers while ignoring the sights and experiences that are literally all around me. Just as I got all of that sorted out in my tiny mind, I had my heart stomped on and lost a friend in Afghanistan a week later. Hence, the vanishing act.

I don’t want to dwell too much on the past unless it is really necessary so I’ll move on…

I want to thank the lovely people who not only remembered my birthday but sent me messages, cards and presents! Sadly, I can’t see an address on some of the packages so I can’t send out my usual personalised thankyou cards! If you sent me a present, please, please mail me letting me know what you sent me, along with your address and I will send you a belated thankyou. πŸ™‚ ❀

In the past few months, I shot the album cover for a rock band, met several model friends in person after many online chats, explored the forests of Norway, spent three wonderful and healing days in a hippy commune in Switzerland and achieved the splits once again. I’ve posted some snapshots of my time away below:
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Switzerland. I used to read a series called “Puddle Lane” as a small child, which featured a quest for the Blue Mountains. Well, I found them! πŸ™‚

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Belgium! Shooting location and off-duty bouncing around. I CANNOT WAIT to show you the pictures from this trip… πŸ˜‰

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Norway’s forests and cyperpunk underground! πŸ˜€ Sadly I saw no moose on this trip, but maybe another time. Moose are one of my ‘spirit animals’ (I’ll tell you why one day) so I consider any time I see one to be special.

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My view, the moment of realisation. And on the right, doesn’t this tree look like an octopus going “and one more thing!!”

So, back to work! πŸ˜€

I’ve been lent some latex by Lady Allura (yes that is latex on the left!) and bought myself a stripy latex catsuit that will feature in a blog soon. For now, here are some behind the scenes snaps…
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That, on the right, is a shark shaped seat. The studio we worked in does a lot of childrens’ portrait photography so is full of crazy things to pose with between ‘serious’ shots.

I’m posting photos wayyy out of sync at the moment but am trying to post them in a way that fits with what I’m blogging about at the time, so here are my most recent photos- taken only a few days ago by my host “Elegia“. She has a really distinctive style and so I’ve wanted to work with her for ages! (Though I’d suggest opening the link at home- she does some very beautiful, very erotic projects).
I have always loved seeing polaroids develop and being in the mental place I’m in now, it was rather therapeutic watching Elegia place these little blank cards down, which slowly began to show my face in black and white. Like a literal representation of me returning to the world after a long absence. During the shoot, I wanted to show a slightly more ‘raw’ version of me so spent some time not posing. The results I got are exactly what I had hoped for and I love them. πŸ˜€

“An Army of Me” πŸ˜‰
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It’s good to be back. πŸ˜‰

ROSWELL xxx

p.s. And one more thing…
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Dawn shoot, freezing cold, worth it. ❀

Beauty in Shadow

14 Apr

I’m back from a lovely sunny few days in Somerset with Anita De Bauch and am now sitting down to catch up on my emails and organise my next tours, which will be Berlin, Ireland, Manchester and Norfolk.

First though, I’d really appreciate your support with a couple of things I’m doing. Pay attention at the back there! πŸ˜›
1) I’m in a competition to win a custom-made latex catsuit!! (As you may guess, this is something I would love to have.)
All you need to do is click the link here and click ‘vote’. That’s all. No signing up to anything.
http://www.latex.at/en/all-models-voting/?id=187

2) I’m in the running for the award of “Fetish Model of the Year”! If you could please follow the link here and vote me as highly as you think I deserve, that would rock as well! It’s a little less user-friendly- you need to cycle through the pictures, which are displayed at random, but the plus point is that you get to see more beautiful ladies.
http://www.european-fetish-awards.com/fetish-model-of-the-year-2015/

There you go! Any help would be appreciated.
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So, as the days are getting ever-so-light now, I struggle with conflicting wants and wishes! On one hand, I love the clouded days in which I write with a mocha nearby. On the other hand, I sit on my roof and watch the world go by on sunny days. It’s only then that I can truly get to know the creatures and life around me- and on that note, Mr Toots the kingfisher is back! Apparently he returns on bright days so I’m staking out the bank.

Somerset rolled with the hills, caves and gorges we lack in Milton Keynes and apart from seeing one of my best friends “in her natural habitat”, it was a relief to finally shoot outdoors again without fear that I’d freeze to death! So many lambs everywhere, lovely food, kind people- and we found a slow worm in the garden. Look at her little face!
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Anita christened her ‘Fern’ and I added ‘The Turbo Snake’- in case she has a complex about being a slow worm. (They are neither slow nor worms- they’re legless lizards.) πŸ˜‰

I also saw pipistrelle bats flittering around at dusk! I couldn’t capture them on my slow phone, but it’s lovely to see them again after what has felt like a long winter. They’re the smallest found in Europe and a friend of mine used to call me a pipistrelle when I was a thirteen year old Goth…Β  a teeny tiny little bat. Ha ha ha!

Another thing I’m noticing more and more is that the sunsets are drawing out and are even more orange. Despite the Spring frolicking I’m doing at the moment, I can’t help but think it would be perfect for a Film Noir shoot or two in London, or maybe a Milton Keynes underpass. (Just a quick snap taken outside Wagamama…)
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I love the moodiness and atmosphere of Film Noir shoots! I shot these back in January with David Morley, in Saracen House studio.
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A lot of you have been asking about the petition results from my blog “Between My Legs”. Sadly, petitions about Jeremy Clarkson were more popular and now that the general election is upon us, politicians have better things to do- like bitch and moan at each other on National television… I’ll blog properly about the wider issue when I have a little more time, but I promise this is not forgotten.

So, for now I am going to enjoy the light and practise not feeling guilty for being out in the sun. We humans do need our sunlight hours, after all. And when the shadows lengthen, I’ll write my little socks off (when I’m not stretching, that is. I can get my foot under my chin now!)
These were taken by Simon P Shaw last year, in Blackbarn studio and perfectly capture the peaceful kind of darkness.

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I’ll leave you with some lessons learned in one of my favourite childrens’ books. A sticker for guessing which! πŸ˜‰
Dark is: exciting, kind, fun, necessary, fascinating, wonderful, beautiful.

Until sunrise, people!

ROSWELL xxx

p.s. I just got a message from another of my best friends- the olive-skinned gypsy nude model Madame Bink. I’d like to share her blogpost with you- please have a read and see if you can make her smile today.
http://madamebink.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/a-real-pain-in-the.html

Tales of a Naked Girl

19 Jan

-⌐garethbyrd.Roswell-II.012
How can I explain the pride I feel in my work? Immersed as I am in my job and its accompanying social circle, I forget that some people see a bimbo or someone with very little self-respect when they learn I’m a nude model. My jokes about public nudity and nitpicky remarks about bondage in films (β€œseriously, anyone could get out of that!”) aren’t ‘got’, and there’s an assumption that seedier things go on than I let on. The idea of reference checking and talk of ‘levels’ provokes a knee-jerk horror that such talk is necessary. But don’t we all assess the possible dangers our lives bring us? It isn’t that we think trouble is imminent but that we want to be ready in case: to expect the best but prepare for the worst.
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I’m immensely proud of my work! Perhaps even more so because I know that it will not last forever. I have no intention of modelling for the rest of my life and have another career plan in mind, but I cherish the best parts and memories this crazy life is giving me.

My job puts me in touch with creative people on a daily basis. I’ve learned about things outside my circle of interests because almost everyone I work with has a story. My three best ‘industry’ friends are the most different women you could imagine but each of them has taught me a new perspective on life, shared my adventures and brought me on theirs- and I met all three through modelling.
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I see the world! I’ll be forever grateful for the experiences this is bringing me, the people I’m meeting and the independence I’ve found. I’m not afraid to travel alone or not speak the language. If I’m stranded I can always find a way home or at least to safety. I’m confident in strange situations and have a pretty good ‘weirdo-radar’! I love to share my life with friends and fellow travellers, but also enjoy the peace a simple walk in a new place brings me.
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Concerning the ‘naked’ bit, I’m proud to have a healthy attitude to nudity- my body does not bring me shame merely by being uncovered.
More than this, nude figures have been used in art for centuries! I walk through the London galleries and see women like me, who have been immortalised for the world to look at forever, as art. I feel a kind of connection to these women- a hint of the camaraderie I find among other nude models.
In this digital age when something placed on the internet is there forever, I hope that our work will continue to inspire people, and that maybe in the far future when people are creating interactive holograms (!) or whatever, that modern nude models may feel that connection to me and the other old-fashioned ‘photo girls’. πŸ˜‰
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I’m a huge sci-fi/action/fantasy fan but always meant to write a blog about films concerning nude modelling, so here you go- an extra bit!

Calendar Girls
It’s a comedy with Helen Mirren, Julie Walters and Penelope Wilton, and is based on true events. A middle-aged Women’s Institute group raises money for charity by making a nude calendar- and creates scandal, of course.
The idea that modelling teaches a very linear view of what is beautiful is an easy assumption to make and to an extent, it’s true (you’re either thin and striking or curvy and sexy) BUT visiting galleries and meeting older nude models has taught me to see beauty another way. I know I won’t be able to make a living from modelling forever, but if someone wants to photograph me nude at age sixty, bring it on!
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Mona Lisa Smile
I don’t like Julia Roberts, but I love Maggie Gyllenhaal and Julia Stiles. Kirsten Dunst is there too, with a teeny look at Tori Amos and Jane in Breaking Bad before she went all junkie. πŸ˜› It’s about an art teacher in the 50s who tries to teach her very traditional students that the ‘lifescript’ is an option and not a necessity.
There isn’t much nude modelling, but there is a scene in which the teacher takes her students to see an abstract painting and says β€œI want you to consider it. You don’t have to write about it, you don’t even have to like it. What you do have to do is consider it.”
There will always be people who step back from me and my work because it’s outside their experience (and therefore comfort zone). That is what I want to say to those people.
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I Capture the Castle
The book is better and not so bloody soppyΒ  (I’m re-reading it right now) though the writing and interaction between the characters still makes me laugh. Romola Garai, Bill Nighy, Rose Byrne and Tara Fitzgerald are a bohemian family of artists living in a crumbling old castle in the 1930s. Bill Nighy’s character has dreadful writers block, while Tara Fitzgerald’s character is a nude artists model who is the breadwinner for the family.
Gorgeous styling- and it makes me want my very own nude modelling castle.
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Sirens
Saw it by accident when I was about eleven. Whoops…
By most accounts it’s pretty dreadful as a film, but there can be a sexy side to nude modelling and the feeling of being in a completely different (and bonkers) world. Hugh Grant (ugh) and Tara Fitzgerald (you again!) visit Sam Neill, who plays an artist living in Australia with his family and personal collection of models (Elle MacPherson, Portia De Rossi and Kate Fischer).
I’m dying to go to Australia and recreate the scene in the last five seconds of the film: four of the models are standing on a high cliff being siren-like while Australia stretches into the background looking all idyllic. On a multi-model shoot, the joking and debates around the dinner table are pretty standard- you have to be comfortable not just with your own body but everyone else’s- though generally we don’t get all sexy to embarrass the new girl. πŸ˜›
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Mrs Henderson Presents
I love you, Judi Dench and Bob Hoskins (even if I did kill you by accident). It’s based on a true story about a rich widow who buys a theatre and opens a vaudeville production featuring nude women and Will Young (who’s actually pretty good!) Beautiful wartime/vintage styling and costume design!
I watched a mini-documentary about the film the other day- the producers invited the β€œMillerettes”- the original nude artists from the Windmill Theatre- to be consultants and to tell their stories. Glamourous eighty year old women proudly said that they could still do some of the dances and reminisced over their show days together.
When I’m old and wrinkly and my tits reach my ankles, I want to be able to look back at my nude modelling days and be just as proud, on my sofa surrounded by cats and chocolate and my just-as-wrinkly nude modelling friends. πŸ™‚
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Roswell xxx

p.s. sneak preview at my next blog, in which I go on an adventure in a crypt with one of the UK’s best known “Adventure Photographers” πŸ˜‰ I’m being sewn into my dress…
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p.p.s. Photography credits (in order):
Gareth Byrd
Rares Pulbere
Jonasbee
Sylvie Blum
John Duder
Artrotika
Gregory Brown (x2)
Max Operandi
Charles Van Trappen
Rebecca Bathory