Rebellious Woman

8 Mar

NEWSFLASH! I’ve updated my SALE page with latex and some really gorgeous one-off pretty things.❀

Wow. Last week’s post got a MONTH’S viewings in just one day. I’ve had so many supportive comments and messages that I felt quite overwhelmed (in a good way).
Obviously, this blog is mostly a lifestyle and art/modelling blog but before I move on to other subjects, I just want to address a few of the recurring questions I received:

1) Vasectomies are not as easy as you said.
I’ve heard mixed experiences about vasectomies. It varies wildly depending on other factors like home country and age but in general,Β it is easier for a man to be sterilised than a woman.

3) Why not pay for it?
Several reasons but here are my two main ones: I’m not in a financial position to do so, most importantly. Secondly, when IVF is available on the NHS* then sterilisation should be too. It comes back to the same thing: if the choice to have children is funded (including the medical procedures that come with pregnancy and birth) then the choice not to should be equally valid- especially when in my case there are extra reasons to support this choice.

*4) IVF is not funded for everyone.
I mentioned in my last post that doctors warn obese women about the risks associated with pregnancy. I was referring to a pregnancy without medical assistance- however, a couple of women struggling to obtain IVF mailed to say that funding for IVF has its restrictions too, which is very true.
A very wise commenter responded perfectly: we are fighting the same battle against a system that is not giving us the results we would like. Just because we want different results to each other, does not mean we should be fighting amongst ourselves.❀

5) I’m being selfish as this is not a life threatening procedure.
Neither are the many, many NHS-funded cosmetic procedures carried out every day. I agree that things like mental health are under funded and that funds are distributed unfairly but for the purposes of my blog, I was talking about sterilisation. Other issues are for other posts.

6) But it’s PERMANENT! So is having a child.

I will just repeat that the vast majority of responses on all the platforms this blog was posted on were positive, so thankyou for that. So far, no news from the hospital so lets move on for now.

women

The above quote has been attributed to many, many people but it was historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich who said it, in an article about Purital funeral services!

Today was International Womens’ Day and I spent it tasting organic chocolate, painting a mural and listening to a fascinating talk about foraging and herbalism at a new yoga studio near me! I’m a slave to herbal tea and swear by nettle for healthy hair. Oh, and lots and lots of water (to drink).
One of the activities we could do was write on a post-it note something that made us proud to be women. Initially, I couldn’t think of a damn thing. Not that being a woman is something I don’t like, just that few things I do are made extra interesting by the fact that I am a woman. Then I came home (with the blank post-it) and did a quiz I found. It told me that I had done eight illegal things today- for example, I wore trousers in public, which would get me 40 lashes in Yemen (I think). In some countries, a women is counted as half a witness in court. HALF a witness.
If you’d like to take the test, it’s here:
http://matchinternational.org/how-many-laws-did-you-break-today/
So I’m proud to be a woman because I am fighting for change and speaking up for my fellow women who are not yet allowed a voice- and I’m proud to see others doing the same.
Yay! I hate blank post-it notes.πŸ˜›

I’ve been reading about awesome women today. As most of my heroes are in books and films, I particularly liked this article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35717247
Yes, fiction is fiction, but some elements are reflections of reality and seeing the multiple female heroes in recent films and books does make me happy. As a writer myself, I try and write characters that I would want to read about and that I would have liked growing up. Maybe someday you’ll be able to have a read…πŸ˜‰

And things could not be more fitting- I’ve been featured in Femme Rebelle magazine! The photos are by the awesome Gary Clutterbuck and the outfit is by Lady Allura’s latex. I did the hair and make-up.
12633166_10207091016492722_470796965_o
12637351_10207091018012760_1562050914_o
12630760_10207091015292692_1127718158_o12636966_10207091013132638_1400748600_o
12633010_10207091014172664_2132752201_o.jpg

RAAAH!πŸ˜›

As I’m a sleepy lady now and need to find a new series to start (finished House of Cards in 1.5 days), I will sign off this this pretty song with a lovely video.❀
https://youtu.be/5GBT37_yyzY

ROSWELL xxx

p.s. A non-spoiler childfree House of Cards moment I saw today. As I knew I would be posting this blog tonight, it was just too perfect!πŸ˜›
jHN2lkb.png

The blonde woman is Claire and…
158b0b0e-427f-4031-a565-7f61c5967a87_house-of-cards-v2

Give me Hope.

29 Feb

I had an interesting blog written out yesterday, all about how people and their bodies evolve. I’m going to post it below but I had some frustrating and upsetting news today that I’d like to tell you about.

First, here is a picture by PWP images.
DSC_7738

Many of you know that I am childfree and should I want to become a mother, I will adopt. Since last year, I have been actively pursuing sterilisation. That is because the usual methods of contraception are not suitable for me due to family medical history. Believe me, I have researched all of my options and sterilisation is, for me, the way to go. As The Authorities are reluctant to sterilise any woman under 30, I have made sure every time I visit the doctor for anything at all, they put it on record that my mind has not changed.
Last year when I made the usual request, the doctor gasped “but WHY don’t you want CHILDREN??” This was followed by “what if your partner wants them?” I hope I don’t need to explain how offensive this is.
I demanded to be referred to the hospital and a different doctor did so. Two months later, I had my hospital appointment, successfully convinced the team there that I was of sound mind and had done my research, so the hospital approved me.

I just had the letter back. Funding denied.πŸ˜₯

I honestly thought I’d finally convinced them, but it seems that a decade of consistency and valid medical reasons (not to mention environmental reasons) are still not enough to convince doctors that I can make this decision. This has devastated me.
If I had been unsuccessfully trying to GET pregnant for the past ten years, doctors would be falling over themselves to help me. In a world that is vastly overpopulated, if I can be trusted at age 28 to choose to have a child, I should be trusted to choose NOT to.

Now, at the time I opened the letter, I happened to be listening to Eddy Grant (Gimme Hope Jo’Anna) and remembered that my country does not have apartheid. I’m not at risk of FGM. I am not starving. If I am pregnant by a rapist, I am not forced by law to keep the baby. I told myself off and tried to write off my fury and frustration as “white girl problems”, but the thing is, I don’t think I should.
Yes, other women suffer horrendous indignities and torture, are denied basic contraception, denied abortion- the Marie Stopes website even has a special section for Irish women- but just because England is better developed than some countries, this does not negate the fact that The Authorities still consider women incapable of making certain choices. I have very publically supported the idea that women worldwide should have the rights to their own bodies. This includes my own country too!

Doctors may remind women that their pregnancy is risky (obesity-related for example) but these women are not denied their choice to become pregnant. As I have said, there are medical reasons why sterilisation is best for me yet every time I explain, doctors still try to push unsafe hormonal options on me. When will I be considered old enough to know my own mind and body? 30? 40? 50?
28 is a perfectly respectable age to decide to have children; no doctor would remind a 28 year old pregnant woman that having children is permanent- that they are just too young to make such a decision. So why is my choice any less valid? Yes, it’s permanent, I am aware of that. I was aware when I asked for a referral, I was aware in the hospital, and I am aware now. Yet every time I have returned to the doctors, I am still asked if I know that sterilisation is permanent!

Of course, I’ll fight this. Of course I’ll appeal. But let me address questions I’ve been asked a few times:
Is it expensive? Can’t you go private?
It’s around Β£1500 in England but yes, I can go private. However, this is a matter of principle. I shouldn’t have to pay for the correct medical treatment for me, just because doctors won’t grant me the same respect they do women who make a more culturally acceptable choice.

But being childfree is unusual…
Not really. Around 20% of women over 40 are childfree. They aren’t all infertile and wishing for a miracle! I’m sure that if it wasn’t such a long-winded frustrating procedure, more women would apply for sterilisation. (There are certain notable other situations that work the same way- the path ahead being frustrating, painful, possibly traumatic, so most women don’t choose to take it…) *raises eyebrow* Why is it that the law is so geared against women?
I should mention here that men are generally not asked about the wishes of hypothetical future partners or told they are too young to have a vasectomy.

What if you sued the hospital?
What if I got pregnant or had children, regretted it and tried to sue the hospital for not sterilising me when I asked!? Give me any form and I’ll sign it- I take responsibility for my decision.

This is me banging my head against the wall. Photo by PWP images.
DSC_7775

I think I’ve said all I can for now. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer and if you are a childfree woman (or man) who has struggled to get doctors to accept this, please feel free to tell your story in the comments. It’s time we came out of the woodwork! Like this! (photos by Ghost Light)
Stable-5
Stable-4

On to some really nice stuff…πŸ˜‰

I was thinking yesterday about the way people think about life and personal development. We tend to see things in a straight line pointing ‘onwards and upwards’ but from what I’ve seen, we go through the same growth spurts as we do in puberty, only internally and for the rest of our lives (hopefully). I certainly hope I’m still a work-in-progress! At age 14, I was pro-life and just four years before that- before I realised I also liked the ladies- I was pretty homophobic too! It took moving away and meeting people to change what I thought I knew.

The past year has felt like a huge growth spurt. One of my personal mottos is “never leave an experience empty-handed” and there are some things both good and bad that I’m sure I’ll look back on and think “yes, that moment changed my life”.
Even on the superficial levels, I’m always discovering new things about myself- who knew I liked tales about real-life gangsters? Who knew I’d start doing gladness meditations? Who knew I’d end up so willing to get my hands dirty? Right now I’m covered in coal dust from doing my fire and I have been unfathomably gross after certain photoshoots. I think my ‘ick’ tolerance level rose after I started doing so much work on my boat. Paint, goopy varnish, boatyard dust etc.
Even my body is changing. Not drastically and no surgery so worry not, but I am becoming more muscular. I love my action hero women and as my basic shape is quite comic-book (big thighs, hips and bust, small waist) I’m working on emphasising it!
Even while I do that, other friends of mine are doing the opposite! One of my favourite people, model and performer Elegy Ellem has been famous not only for her talent, tattoos and unique look, but for her boobs. And she’s just made a drastic change. Even if you don’t care about miss Ellem’s boobs (and she prefers it if you don’t), watch this video becase she’s a wise and beautiful goofball and her smile will make you smile too!πŸ˜›
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9NhJWTfzu8

BiceYgpIYAA9JI2.jpg large

I’m going to go and watch Terminator 2 in a sec, because it rocks and a cinnamon cream latte is calling my name but let me just share a series of photos by PWP images. To me, they perfectly illustrate my feelings about evolving and us all being works-in-progress. Sometimes we don’t leave our ‘past selves’ behind. Sometimes we don’t emerge from a situation in a glorious phoenix blaze. Sometimes we’re just moving and that movement is beautiful in itself.

DSC_7690
DSC_7718DSC_7731
DSC_7714
DSC_7706

ROSWELL xxx

Little Sparks

22 Feb

It’s a beautiful day and for the first time in a while, I can sit in my lounge in the daytime, without the fire blazing… though I’m still enjoying my newfound cavewoman skills and will make a fire in a minute just because I can!
Spring is definitely on its way- I’m getting woken up by the annual goose turf war and the tribes have grown. There are now about nine on each side, honking at each other like the worlds worst trumpet players doing seal impressions, over two patches of potential nesting ground about two square foot each. And they won’t stop for another few weeks…:/
I also saw my moorhens Bonnie and Burke “doing the wild thing” at the end of a neighbours’ jetty. Please don’t nest on the jetty, Bonnie- it’s an even dumber spot than next door’s boat. Remember what happened last time? (Chicks jumped into the canal within a few hours of hatching and couldn’t get back up so the parents had to make a new nest…)

Nearby…
WP_20150407_14_34_53_Pro.jpg

I promised myself at the very beginning of this year that I would have an adventure-filled 12 months (and longer). Being based in Milton Keynes, I can reach a lot of places easily but if you live somewhere that I do not often come (like Sweden or Switzerland) or somewhere that I have never been (like Denmark or Iceland), get in touch to book me. Let me know you’d like me to visit so that I can plan my first trip. You all know I love to travel, right?!πŸ˜›

My current travel plans are listed here and kept as up to date as possible.

I’m still adding to my modelling wardrobe even now- including an exciting project with headdress maker Alivya Free. I had the good fortune to visit her studio a week ago and spent an hour surrounded by beautiful creations and little mini boxes full of embellishments and inspiration.❀
Here I am in one of her designs! Photo by Kitty Wood
IMG_0598
It always interests me to see how other people work- whether the designer meticulously plans every detail first and addresses problems as they come- or whether they see one tiny detail- a ribbon or jewel- and creates a whole project based around that one stroke of inspiration.

If your inspiration is flagging, here are some things that inspire me:
– reading Postsecret.com
– Pinterest writing prompts
– Stretching/contortion practise (turn off anything that beeps)
– Books with wonderful, beautiful writing! (Touching Earth, by Rani Manicka and The Night Watch, by Sergei Lukyanenko for example)
– Reading Humans of New York
– Challenging myself to write stories in 100 words
– Looking at myself as though I’m a spectator. What would I write/paint/make for this person sitting in a coffee shop with an earring that is pinching and a book they can’t put down?
– Making food- cooking and slicing is meditative!:)

Oh, and making little corners of my home beautiful:
WP_20160222_15_20_38_Pro

Last year, I went to visit photographer Iulia David and make-up artist/stylist Natalie Wood for a beauty photoshoot. We knew we wanted to shoot accessories so I’d made some moodboards and packed a giant bag full of assorted interesting things, which got spread out across the table along with about a hundred ideas. Within a few minutes, we had three looks planned and I was in the make-up chair while Natalie worked. As I usually do my own hair and make-up, it’s quite rare for me to work with other stylists and I always learn something new. Having a team often means you broaden your horizons and can achieve looks and ideas that had never occurred to you!

Check these out!πŸ˜€ The latex is by Yummy Gummy
IMG_6251
sm1.jpg
sm3.jpg
sm2.jpg

All of the accessories here are mine and I often make things to shoot with so if you would like to book me and my huge make-up and clothing bag, all you need to do is contact me here and tell me about your project.

ROSWELL x

What do models wear?

17 Feb

Also:
– Why we look like bag ladies on the tube in the morning
– How we get designers to lend us stuff
– Why we often look nothing like the way you imagined us!

Well, as you seemed to like my ‘what models eat‘ blog so much, I decided to address another few questions I get asked a lot!:)

If you don’t care, scroll down for some insane outfits in incredible locations.πŸ˜‰
123A3253 copy.jpg

Glamour models often arrive fully made-up because as the preferred ‘look’ can be very samey, she knows what the client wants and can arrive ready to shoot immediately. Otherwise, most models are told to arrive as blank canvasses, whether we’re agency-represented or freelance. This means that the sleepy make-up free, scraped-back hair-ed, baggy-trousered suitcase-dragging creature you see at 6am on the tube may well be a model in disguise!
No matter whether we’re fashionable, alternative, pretty and girly or any other style you can think of, the professionals (especially nude and lingerie models) will arrive in baggy outfits because they don’t leave marks on the body, saving the photographer time in photoshop.

Before and after… SIX YEARS AGO!!! I was modelling for the gone but much-missed HMSlatex.
31505_439732471368_661126368_5490428_5110821_nΒ GFB150510TM_9333

You know when you walk straight past somebody because they aren’t in the place you associate them with? (e.g. walking straight past your karate instructor because they aren’t in whites with a black belt?) I’ve found tying my hair up is the perfect disguise! I’ve lost count of the people who have mailed me saying “I thought I saw you but wasn’t sure…” Another model friend swears by the “Felicity effect”- wearing glasses = incognito!πŸ˜›
This is Felicity Smoak in Arrow. The glasses are to show you she’s a geek because all geeks on TV must wear glasses.πŸ˜› She takes them off and- boom- different person. Apparently.
felicitys-pink-split-neck-dress-camel-coatΒ kes18l9b

This is why we look different to the way you imagine us:
It’s funny how often I find that photographers know models from one particular style we shoot, with no idea about the others! (It seems the art-nude and fetish worlds rarely cross paths.) As my art-nude pictures are often ethereal, classically beautiful and pre-Raphaelite inspired, some people can expect a long-skirted romantic to come skipping along.
*sound of New Rocks stomping down the train platform*
The same happens with many of my model friends known for certain looks they do very well- it’s a facet of their personality that they love to express and they’re not only versatile on camera but choose another facet to show off in their everyday world.

Instagram models are a different story as they mostly make a living from their sponsors and advertising. (I wrote a whole blog about the way that works here) That means they have to keep things as consistent with their projected image as possible. It seems like a very easy lifestyle, getting paid simply to take a selfie, but in my opinion there’s far more pressure on Instagram models than freelance models, as even their personal lives have to remain ‘on brand’. Often, what they wear is what they’re paid to wear- and that’s why they’re usually more recognisable in the street than other models.

I’m currently sponsored by Yummy Gummy latex, Orchid Corsetry and Louise Ferdinand Lingerie. Pictures below are Yummy Gummy and Louise Ferdinand- you’ll see Orchid Corsetry later in this post. (Yes I’ve lost weight- the bottom picture was a few years ago, the top was a few months ago).
DSC_7557done.jpg
Photo by Proteus Photography
250Alico - Sin Bozkurt-_.jpg

I once read a rant from a very famous and now retired fetish model, who was sick of new models contacting her asking which photographers pay and which designers lend clothes for free.
“You know what they’re saying to me? I don’t want to work for anything so just give me money and clothes!”
It’s hard as a new model to know where to start and I can understand the temptation to ask more experienced models for all the information but professional models build up working relationships over a long period of time. If you’d like to work with a designer and work towards sponsorship, this will give you a good chance:

1) Prepare your portfolio
Have a lot of good quality pictures that would persuade a designer you are worth working with. If your first shoots are all basic fashion from your own wardrobe, that is no problem at all as long as you look good in them, but think about who you approach. For example, a lingerie designer is unlikely to offer you work if you have no lingerie pictures.
Treat it like a job application. No “hey bayb, wanna shoot?”

2) Stick your neck out
Apply to casting calls for fashion shows and photoshoots. You’re more likely to have the trust of a designer if you’ve actually met them in person! If they have no castings, offer to pay a deposit (and pay it!) This shows you’re serious about taking care of the items. Though I have built a good reputation, I still offer to pay deposits.

3) Be reliable
Give designers your correct measurements. I’ve seen a true fashion show horror story or two! If they need the outfit back by a certain day, make sure it gets sent back in time. If the outfit is damaged, let them know straight away. Accidents happen, but pretending they didn’t and sending back a broken outfit is not cool.I’ve had mishaps myself and the designers appreciated honesty.

It’s always worth an ask- the least somebody can do is say no, and you could have a new and lovely working relationship!πŸ˜€

It takes a hell of a lot of trust to allow your model to not only borrow your outfit but take it out of the country and into a lot of grimy overgrown places covered in dust, so thankyou so much to Orchid Corsetry, Dead Lotus Couture and Cyberesque for letting me do just that last year.
I worked with photographers Magpie Tommy, James Kerwin and fellow model Jade Stacy Maria in Belgium on an urbex tour. You’ve already seen the nudes, so here are the rest of our shots! Photos are watermarked with the credits.

123A3226-3.jpg
I love the way different photographers can produce totally different images in the same location. Tom’s is above, James’s are below. Jade and I are wearing Dead Lotus Couture.
54263-593518975.jpg
12249851_1619522074967775_309527479254239164_n

We didn’t think we were going to manage this incredible castle location but after a couple of adventures and an uphill scramble, here we were! I’m wearing Orchid Corsetry with a veil made by me. I haven’t forgotten to tell you the thrilling tale but for now, here are some pictures…πŸ˜‰
123A3364
123A3371

123A3376.jpg

We were running out of light and I really wish we’d had more time at the location below as there were so many more things I wanted to do! Another time perhaps…πŸ˜‰ Outfit by Cyberesque.
Apparently this bit is called “the rhino” but I think the structures look more like catfish…
123A9384
And my favourite shooting location of all! I loved the different places for very different reasons but as you all know my love of nature, this was an amazing place to be and to shoot. While Tom and James were shooting Jade, I sat taking close-ups of my own and pretending I was in another strange world.:)
123A3573
I’m on a few new adventures this year and can’t wait to see where life takes me next. As for today, it’s been a productive one!
– I painted my doors
– Made a lovely smoked mackerel and beetroot salad
– Blogged (yay!)
– Recorded a short story I’m working on
– Am trying my hand at making chia seed pudding for the first time. Wish me luck!πŸ˜›

More adventures coming your way…

ROSWELL xxx

Wild Thing

7 Feb

I’m getting itchy feet already- it’s a good thing I’m going adventuring again next week! I’ll be doing my famous tennis ball impersonation- zooming South, then North and back South again in just four days. Still- I’m pretty sure pictures and happiness will be forthcoming as I’m going to see Kitty Wood Photography– I have the honour of being one of her bridesmaids this year and couldn’t be more excited.

Blogwise, I can’t believe the response I had to my post about what models eat!! So many shares, so many comments! Thankyou all- and I have now updated the original post with the promised advice from Juliette at Bareskin Beauty. Click here to have a read, and I’ll be back with more modelly advice soon.
For now, I’m writing a mini series of articles about life on a boat for a fantastic feminist/life/opinion website.πŸ˜€ If there’s anything you would like to know, just comment with your question and I’ll make sure I answer it. I’m already covering narrowboat basics, decor for tiny spaces and more.
Despite the title of this post, I’m still feeling quite domesticated; spending my evenings toasting in front of the fire with a stack of books, or painting my doors at long last. At the moment, I’m in love with the artwork the band β€œOf Monsters and Men” use in their videos so I feel there will be wild things coming soon to a wall near me!
If you don’t know the band or haven’t seen the videos, links are below.

It makes me laugh that ‘domesticated’ for me is still kind of strange for a lot of other people- I still run around with no clothes on getting my picture taken and watch the world out of coach, train and plane windows. I still live in an indoor forest (which is swinging around like mad right now- the storm’s howling!) and I still walk around in clothes straight out of your end-of-days Zack Snyder fantasy. In fact, if you want to know more about my everyday life (believe me, modelling is just the beginning), you can start by following this Instagram…πŸ˜‰ https://www.instagram.com/lifeoutthereblog/
On that note, I went to Sweden a while ago. I had a crack-of-dawn flight so pulled a coffee fuelled all-nighter in the airport. Awesome fellow fetish model Psylocke met me off the plane, introduced me to her cats and went for her photoshoot while I got reacquainted with Swedish sweets. One exciting text later and I was off to meet photographer Belinda Bartzner and see a musical about HP Lovecraft… in Swedish. Just so you know, “A Shoggoth on the Roof” rocks- and is pretty easy to understand even when you can only understand the word ‘tentacles’.
The next day (after some world-class sleeping and cat snuggling), Belinda and I worked together for the first time! (She’s since become a good friend so these pictures bring back happy memories).

I’m wearing a custom-made Dawnamatrix playsuit.πŸ˜€

12511655_10153893162076600_1101054942_n
12506515_10153893162091600_1750207647_n.jpg
12528101_10153893162086600_2123125161_n.jpg
12511842_10153893162081600_482613728_n.jpg

Tomorrow, it’s boat-painting, email-answering and preparing for a pancake party with a goddess of cosplay!πŸ˜€

Bedtime now, I think. *eyes the stack of books excitedly*

ROSWELL xxx

p.s. this idiot I’m fluffbabysitting is asleep. His head is on my hand bouncing up and down as I type and he’s making a great table for my hairpins.
WP_20151217_22_13_35_Pro.jpg

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 264 other followers