“I’m not dead (you idiot), I am simply at peace…”

3 Sep

… and I never thought I’d begin a blog by quoting ‘Kung Fu Panda’. 

I left the previous post up for a while in case any readers had been directed here from The Times or any other paper/blog etc but I really think I’m overdue a happier life update and some new pictures.

EDIT: I’m going to be adding many, many new things to my sale in the next few hours. Sizes UK 8-14, prices from £1.50. Keep checking here: https://roswellivory.wordpress.com/sale/

It’s just been my birthday (so thankyou, thankyou, thankyou to all you lovely people who sent me birthday wishes and presents. I have mailed you individually but you deserve an extra mention here).
I spent my actual birthday in airports and at a photoshoot but managed to squeeze in a trip to see the Sebastiao Salgado exhibition “Genesis” in Stockholm.. I’d taken some rare time out to see my Swedish friends- it’s possibly my favourite country, even if you Swedes do eat banana on pizza. (That’s right, everyone else: the pineapple on pizza debate is over- the Swedes have BANANA.) ‘Old’ friends and new; tack* for the hugs, beds, fika**, gossip and fun! In fact I was having too much fun to take photos, but I went to see cult HP Lovecraft musical “A Shoggoth on the Roof” in Swedish, had a girly night in, went to a stretching class and learned a few more words.

Have a montage:

And a sneak preview from my shoot with Belinda Bartzner

When I arrived home, I found an e-mail from photographer/friend Luci-Alice. We’ve been published in Freque magazine‘s black and white issue! May I please introduce Eddie? Isn’t he gorgeous? He’s the same colour as my hair.
The harness was custom-made by Pandora Deluxe, who I’ll be walking for this year in the biannual Dominatrix event… where I’m also nominated for the title of ‘Miss Fetish Europe’!

While a few Facebookers were concerned that Eddie’s ears are facing backward, I promise he’s fine: his owner was there the whole time, there were flies as it was a hot day so Luci captured some ear flicks, he had a roomy stall so could move away if he wanted to and as I’m an animal-lover, I was mindful of his comfort at all times. If you’d like more reassurance, here’s an ears-up picture (and linked is a true ‘upset horse’ picture for comparison).

So now, I’m having some days off before my appearance at London Fetish Weekend! (I’ll be walking in fashion shows for Lady Allura and Fabulously Fetish).
Though I have busy times ahead I’ve been trying to have a walk every day- the area around me is too beautiful to ignore- especially at my favourite time of year and after a period of such stress, nothing makes me happier than being a part of nature again. Told you I was at peace! 😉

Usually I need a padded cell in order to write- I’m too easily distracted and only realised this year that taking my notebook out into nature is the worst thing I can do. Still, I have a great memory and recorded three little snapshots of life, currently.

I don’t want to leave Sweden. I haven’t seen a moose this trip except on my new keyring, and the boulder-strewn forest on the outskirts of Stockholm just might hold deer that I could see if I waited a few more hours. But instead I’m by a shop that sells ice cream in homemade waffle cones, which smell warm… and evidently irresistable as I’m holding a peach cone. I’m lost, but not uncomfortably. Still, I haven’t enough time to be lost at all. Directions from the man in the magazine shop, a quick glance over his shoulder finds my friend smiling from a cover. The memory of her hand-drawn map to a beauty spot last year sparks a smile from me that lasts three streets.
The museum is glowing, five flights of steps downward in the grey rain- a lighthouse in reverse. Do I want to spend precious money? You’re on holiday, Roswell!! Genesis… we mostly imagine a steamy prehistoric fern-strewn earth, or a planet with roads and Attenborough and deforestation… but never both at once. Never like this. People I wish to meet but can only see in the split seconds captured here… Textures I want to feel- a claw here, a frondy plant halfway up a tree hundreds of miles away… Entire non-human communities that will never think of me a day in their lives…
I’m almost late for my flight.
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WP_20140826_035 WP_20140826_040

The clouds wait along the horizon and the sun is warm but not dazzling- I don’t realise that tic-tic-tic sound is made by a robin until I see him fly across the path and change to a prettier duet with another one a few trees away. I don’t want to disturb him, so I hide under a red-dotted hawthorn tree. Almost everything’s colourful here- a good thing for the birds, which, I doubt will go for a feeder hung from the end of my boat! I creep out to the hedgerow and am surrounded by blackberries. I can stop feeling guilty about taking the birds’ food- there’s plenty for all and a couple of handfuls go in my bag. I couldn’t even remember what wild ones tasted like but while supermarket blackberries are plum-sized and bitter, the ones in my hand taste of Autumn.
The biggest dragonfly I have ever seen is a few feet away- electric blue and green with jewel eyes and a wingspan the length of my hand! I duck as it flies toward home (mine). On some level, I don’t think I thought it was real. I follow after it carrying my hedgerow food and passing a secret crop of dove grey and fawn mushrooms under leaves I can’t name. I think everyone knows when I’m walking the jetty- my boots clump a bit! It’s getting chilly as the clouds take over, but inside there’s a new bag of coffee to open. No need for incense when there’s coffee…


It’s usually the most peaceful place to be but tonight, the marina has its own kind of unrest- though not an unpleasant one.
Somebody’s band is rehearsing nearby. A light is on and shadows move rhythmically against the curtains. The woman singing has a haunting, echoing voice even in the upbeat jazz and I remember how I wish I could sing. I need a break from the ‘computer hunch’ and climb onto the roof. The air feels more autumnal than ever- what is it about a full moon that says ‘Autumn’? I wonder what the people nearby make of the woman in the computer-game-assassin clothes standing on the roof of a canal boat. It doesn’t matter either way but it’s probably a funny image!
The cygnets think I have more popcorn for them and though the parents raise their heads, they know better and ignore their grey whistling children. Their bed on the bank looks cosy- a faerie ring of bulrushes.
I wish the moorhen couple and their four chicks safety through the night. It’s their first successful brood and I can’t tell them apart yet but wish that they could still balance on the lily pads the way they used to.
The high blustering sound of an aeroplane, the creaking of the mooring ropes and the music has stopped for the night. The water here is never still- too many shifting boats- and so the moon’s reflection breaks and shatters into a long teardrop shape- a bright lunar koi on the water’s surface.

I’m useless at night photography, so have a night-faerie-esque picture by Follyhouse. Make-up by me.


p.s. if you aren’t following my facebook, why not?? it’s where the extra news snippets go… https://www.facebook.com/pages/Roswell-Ivory-model-and-writer/152654844767588

12 Responses to ““I’m not dead (you idiot), I am simply at peace…””

  1. Romantic Dominant September 3, 2014 at 9:34 am #

    always fascinating

  2. Jim September 3, 2014 at 2:47 pm #

    Hello Dear Lady Roswell… It is wonderful to know you are at peace… 🙂 It is so delightful reading your blogs/digests… I seem to be a bit taken away by them, which is a wonderful feeling. I always look forward to your next adventure, and writing.
    Most delighted,
    Jim 🙂

    • roswellivory September 4, 2014 at 12:36 pm #

      Thankyou so much for the lovely words about my writing- It’s really great to be able to sit down and do some at last. 🙂

  3. christhegoth September 3, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

    From what I understand the 2 Faerie Courts are Seelie and UnSeelie. Summer and Winter faeries.

    The UnSeelie like the night.

    And I’m afraid I am going to have to demand more fashion shots if your wardrobe is so different. Or I’ll have a huff. No maternity fashion though; I’m not into sproggies* :p

    ( *Dita did a maternity range recently, and it was all too peek-a-boo for my tastes. It was very scary to see the mighty Dita posing for stuff which normally involves baby poo/vom. )

    • roswellivory September 4, 2014 at 12:35 pm #

      Yes indeed. 🙂
      lol! I’ll do my best.

      WTF? Is Dita pregnant? I always thought she was a fellow childfree lady like me.

  4. Mathieu Richardoz September 3, 2014 at 9:43 pm #

    Have you seen the other exhibitions at Fotografiska?
    There were fantastic ones by Lisa Ross (http://fotografiska.eu/en/utstallningar/utstallning/living-shrines/) and Dana Sederowsky (http://fotografiska.eu/en/utstallningar/utstallning/photography-and-video-performance-selected-works-1998-2013/) when I was there a couple of months ago. Great place!

    • roswellivory September 4, 2014 at 12:34 pm #

      I did indeed! There’s some awesome work there and I was sad I had to leave so early xxx

  5. Tony Segura September 4, 2014 at 9:10 pm #

    Great shots as usual, what is the tower type structure?

    • roswellivory September 7, 2014 at 9:32 am #

      Thankyou! It’s a cemetery in Gothenburg. 🙂

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